I fly, I exist (draft)

I am here
Though you may not notice
Above the trees I soar
High within the clouds
Looking down upon the earth.
            And so I guard you.

The wind lifts my wings, I
Coast down, my eyes closing
As I sniff the warm Spring air.
Tilting my head, I come to land
My hooves clicking softly on the stone path.
            Though you can not see

This glad is my home
Far beyond the veil of knowing
Into a land where my like reside
Mystic in our presence
Forgotten with time
            And yet we wait

Folding my wings along my back
I walk along the steams edge.
My silken mane falls forward
As I bend to drink;
Crystalline liquid there to quench my thirst.
            And for a moment, I exist.


With a great bellow I toss my 
Head back and rear up.
Muscles stretch as I announce myself
To the world, knowing none could hear me
Yet wishing, just once, for some imagination.
            And then she was there.

A wee thing.
Golden hair falling to waist
Smiling as she look directly at me.
Seeing me.
And enjoying the majesty of it.
            A wee thing, smiling..

She clapped her hands for me.
Laughter floated toward me
Upon the breeze, spurning me forward
With great pride I raced on the wind
Wings spread as it lifted me up.
            I danced in the sky as she watched me fly
 
I am here
And so I guard you.
Though you can not see
And yet we wait
And for a moment, I exist.
And then she was there.
A wee thing, smiling..
            I danced in the sky as she watched me fly

Spin, Spin, Spin! (2017)

Oh to be three and full of such joy.
I watch my son and see the gears in his brain
Spin, and spin and spin!
Thoughts colliding just as he stubbles over a toy,
(or several, we never get them put away for long.)
I glance away for but a moment and he has
Markers in his hands now.
Spin, spin, spin!
Arms out, the tops of the markers undone. “Look at me,” he demands.
And I admit, I had been paying more attention to my book,
So I do. Calmly we turn the markers to a more useful purpose.
It pacifies him for a while, maybe 10 minutes at best,
And then off he goes again!
The sun is out! Spin, spin, spin!
Catching the dust in the rays of light, he turns to me,
“Outside?”
Eyes so bright, and dimmed for only a moment
When I remind him how cold it is outside.
Spin. He hugs my leg and then dances away.
SPIN. He giggles and hides behind a chair.
And out again he comes, moments later to share his joy!
A fish cracker (only a few days old, I’m sure. Still good!)
Spin, Spin, Spin!
Flops in the floor at my feet, hands raised toward me with such glee.
“Mommy!”
The smile ingites the room and my world in that moment it perfect.
So I stand up,
And we Spin!

No. (2016)

No
No, no, no no.
Oh God.
Shattering, crashing, rolling.
Dead…
Gone and gone and oh, God she is gone.
A friendship dies in a tangle of
Crushed and twisted metal in the dark.
Oh, how I hope you were not afraid, and
Yet, I know you were.
Alone and afraid and me so far away.
I dropped the phone when they told me.
I dropped to the ground and cried;
Tears falling, sobs wracking and
My mother’s heart breaking on the other end of the line.
So much time has passed.
Still the pain can slam into me
At the most unexpected time.
At my Wedding, I word a ring we picked out as children.
It was blue.
When my son was born, I introduced him to your parents
And for a moment you were there too, and we didn’t cry.
Well, not too much, anyway.
He will know you, if only through stories and pictures.
You are not forgotten.
30 November, 2016
 
Poet’s Notes: My childhood best friend and a dear friend well into adulthood was killed in a car accident at night on her Birthday in 2011. I do not traditionally write when I am in pain, so I wrote nothing at the time. However, the past couple of weeks, as I have  been putting my first poetry book together, I have run across so many poems written about our friendship and upon reflection of her passing. It pulled a string of memories forward and this is the best way I know to describe the complicated emotions I have of a friendship that was cut too short by death.